A Domestic Chronicle · Volume the Only

Purride & Prejudice

or, The Cat of the House — being a true and faithful account of Miss Muffy, in three volumes

A portrait of Muffy, gazing with evident judgment.

Miss Muffy of the House, aged three years, painted in her most becoming light.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a fluffy grey cat in possession of a sunny windowsill must be in want of nothing else at all.

Before We Begin

Dramatis Felis

The principal parties of this history, for the reader's convenience.

Miss Muffy

Mistress of the house. Proud, opinionated, and correct about it more often than she ought to be. Her good opinion, once lost, is lost forever — though it was rarely offered to begin with.

The Staff

Two persons of no particular rank, chiefly occupied with the opening of doors, the drawing of blankets, and the timely refilling of dishes.

The Good Chair

A dining chair of excellent breeding and needlepoint cushion, held in trust for Miss Muffy's exclusive use, regardless of the household's wishes.

The Scrabble Board

A game of letters, frequently interrupted, and to this day never once finished.

Volume the First

In Which a Lady of Consequence is Introduced

Wherein the reader makes the acquaintance of Miss Muffy, and is suitably assessed in return.

I.It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a cat in possession of a good chair must be in want of nothing else in this world.
II.She regarded the room with an expression that has been variously described as “assessing” and “thoroughly unimpressed.”
III.Composed, half-lidded, and entirely uninterested in the conversation — Miss Muffy at her most diplomatic.
IV.A single caress, well bestowed, was received with the gracious condescension of a lady twice her age.

Volume the Second

Domestic Scenes, and the Business of the House

Wherein much rest is taken, several cushions are claimed, and one game is left forever unfinished.

V.Though she appeared to rest, no event in the household escaped her notice.
VI.Some ladies faint at the mere suggestion of exertion; Muffy simply lay down.
VII.She was accounted most accomplished — in napping, in sitting, and in the general obstruction of parlour games.
VIII.In her own estimation, no cushion in the house was placed there but for her comfort.
IX.She kept to her chamber and declared herself unwell, though her appetite for attention remained unimpaired.

Volume the Third

Courtship, Company, and a Satisfactory Conclusion

Wherein our heroine takes the air, dines exceedingly well, and secures the affections of the entire household.

X.She reclined with the easy grace of a woman who has never once doubted her own welcome.
XI.At table she was attentive to every dish, and generous enough to sample each in turn.
XII.The morning air, she found, was vastly improved by a warm plank of wood and an admiring audience.
XIII.She fixed upon him a look of such earnest expectation that refusal became, in the end, quite impossible.
XIV.And so it was settled, to the satisfaction of all: a house, however grand, is nothing without a cat to govern it.
“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves.”
— attributed to Miss Muffy, probably around dinnertime